My heart is heavy...

My Uncle Baker is leaving this world tonight or sometime soon. My heart is heavy (really heavy) with love for him and the life he lived. Full of memories and gratitude for all that we shared.

It is sort of funny, he is really my fathers 1st cousin, but he has always been Uncle Baker to me and always will no matter how many times I am told he is a 2nd cousin. Nope he is Uncle to me...

My father used to have to take care of me when I was very young, so I spent a lot of time in the truck with the two most important men in my life. They didn't give me a whole lot of slack and I was brought everywhere. I am still blown away at the men they were to have me with them all of the time. I am amazed that I came out unscathed, but also amazed that two men could enjoy life and have me in the midst of it too...

Tonight I am thinking about the man I looked up to all my life. He was a huge part of who I am today. He had love for me like a father, when I was a little girl he would sing to me while I was on his lap in front of the fire pit "shenandoah" he sang that song to me in such a loving way that I thought it was written just for me. If I think hard enough I can hear his voice.  I was a little girl that grew up watching him change rice boxes in the fields, riding in the back of the pickup, trudging around with the men as they worked. I took it for granite how lucky I was, it was a childhood that I loved. I loved the mud, the dust, the smells, the adventure; there was lot's of adventure.

When I was 24 years old and had my daughter I met him in a rice field just like this to introduce her to him. It was fitting to see him hold my curly haired daughter in such a place. His hands were so large cradling my little girl and I think he made some kind of comment on whether I was going to keep her with a smirk and twinkle in his eyes. 

I remember him just like this photo... I loved this guy with all my heart and new if I ever needed anything he would be there for me. His voice was soothing to me and I always looked forward to hearing it and I always felt loved in his presence.

When my parents were getting divorced he always made it clear he was there for me. He would ask if I was okay in subtle ways letting me know it was okay. 

He let me intrude on his life like I was there all the time without missing a beat. I always felt welcome and loved, he was a warm hearted man that said it like it was. I loved that about him. I loved that he could cuss and you didn't even notice and that he could be stern with you and then the next minute call you honey.

I loved sleeping on the sofa in the morning hearing him get up to go check water and hearing him clear his throat and then trying not to wake me as the back door squeaked open, then closed behind him.

I have so many memories, so many memories that turn into even more memories. I don't know how to even put them on paper. I realized at an early age that I was such a lucky little girl to have him in my life and relished in it. All I know is at age forty nine these memories are full of gratitude and love and these are just a few: 

• I was thrown in the rice field just like the one above when I was 4 years old after filling his cowboy boots up with water I immediately got thrown in the water and my teddy bear was thrown in with me (my dad told me to do it and I paid the price) I can still remember it!
• I used to have kicking contest with him with my first pair of roughy cowboy boots. What a man to allow a little girl to kick him in the shins!
• I learned to spit real far.
• I got to play with large wild snow geese while the men duck hunted (this I am sure was to keep my jabbering three year old mouth shut so they could hunt) then I got to carry or drag it along after I was told "hand it to me", after that the goose didn't bite me anymore!
• At an early age I thought my freckles were because I stood to close to the back end of a cow! 
• Uncle Leroy nurtured my love of animals, he gave me my first St.Bernard (my mother was really happy about that; not!) and sent it home with me in the back of a VW bug. I loved that dog...
• I learned chew was disgusting with him. 
• I also learned that the only licorice in life was "black" licorice.
• I learned my love of guns being with these men. At an early age I had a BB gun and shot at critters right next to them, then graduated to a 4/10. 
• I saw my first horror movie in his presence "Willard". I don't know how old I was but it made killing rats a whole lot easier!
• I learned to hold on to the tire on the side of the truck, as I rode in the back of the truck on the tool box. I used to love going so fast, but knew to hold on because when the wheels hit the dirt if I didn't hold on I was going to slide all the way across the box...
• I learned how to work a shovel...
• The rice levy's in the back of his truck is where I learned that you can drive as fast backwards as you can forwards! and it meant to hold on tighter because when the breaks were stomped on you could be flung off the tool box full speed!
• I heard many a time if you didn't sit still you were going to get your testicles cut off! Meaning someone was moving the jeep or truck around when the men were trying to aim! 

• I do believe that a large portion of my work ethic was learned on the ranch with him and my dad and I know my love of working early in the morning is.

 

I am a girl that realized from a very young age in life that last is as important as firsts. I tend so savior experences, especially when I feel how special a moment or time is. I have had a lot of moments like this in his presence.

The last time I got to visit with Uncle Leroy was as usual like not missing a beat and as usual I sensed the last time and will relish that visit and hug for a lifetime....

Shann